An Impromptu Letter

I woke up early, so I thought I'd write something

Finnish Photographs of the Nuuttipukki (1928)

Whenever I attempt to write something new for Substack—something besides a book-specific conglomeration of thoughts—I begin with trying to explain myself. 

I struggle with consistency.

I need a lot of time to let things process and meld together in my head. 

I have a hard time holding on to “the point” of things…why am I doing this?

I am so tired, for no reason.

It doesn’t take long for me to trash the draft, and decide that this just isn’t the place for me to share personal reflections or essays or updates or whatever. I mean, clearly I have nothing to say. All I have are my insecurities! and those are no fun to share.

But still, I continue to think about how nice it would be to send a more casual newsletter every month, or even every week. Something where I can connect with you—my handful of consistent readers—let you know what’s on my mind, what I’m working on (writing), and go a little more in depth with what I’ve been reading. Or, I don’t know, I just want to write.

I especially crave this type of outlet now, because Instagram tends to bring more frustration and self-doubt than creative energy these days. I want to WRITE, not claw at a brick wall. Besides, Instagram molds its users to act in very specific ways, and it makes interacting with people unenjoyable…trying to maintain IG friendships becomes a robotic dance. Not to sound too bitter or frustrated, but it is lacking in many ways, as a creative or “social” platform.

So maybe this impromptu letter can act as a starting point. The fears and frustrations that sit at the front of my mind are out there now. 

I am afraid that I won’t be consistent enough. I am afraid that I will get bored. I am afraid that no one will read these. I am afraid to dedicate more of my time and energy to something. I am afraid I won’t have anything to say. I am afraid that it won’t be interesting.

But this is a silly little Substack newsletter. I can write about whatever I want, whenever I want.

I have quite a few ideas for different formats, series, and recurring letters. But for now, I think I’m just going to try out different styles, and send out *something* consistently to fill in the empty spaces between book reviews (which I still plan to write because books are integral to my life). Eventually I’ll find what I enjoy writing here, and what you enjoy reading (hopefully there is some overlap).

This space was always meant to be a creative outlet for me. A place to write regularly, for the sake of improving and expressing in some way, not for the sake of perfection and grand importance (though I’m sure my delusions of grandeur will reveal themselves if given enough time…).

Thank you for reading. I hope I can brush off the stifled energy I’ve felt for so long, and I hope you find something about this interesting.

- Courtney